


Sometimes Holding On is All You Can Do

by ZequoiaRose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Comforting Magnus Bane, Crying Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Max Lightwood's Death, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27910801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZequoiaRose/pseuds/ZequoiaRose
Summary: Alec breaks down.“It’s Alec. I don’t- I don’t know where he went. I thought he’d go to the loft to you but if you’re not there-““Jace, stop for a minute,” Magnus says sharply, then softening his voice, “take a breath and tell me what’s happening.”He hears Jace follow his instructions, sucking in the air greedily. “Maryse and Robert came to the institute today. They- Angels, Magnus. The things they said...”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 9
Kudos: 257





	Sometimes Holding On is All You Can Do

Magnus is sitting bored in another Downworlder meeting when he sees his phone light up in his lap. He reads Jace and instantly frowns. He doesn’t mind the blonde, but he never has called Magnus before. Magnus stands quickly, mind working a mile a minute. “Excuse me,” he says to the arguing Downworlders and walks out the doors. 

“Jace?” He says into his phone. 

“Magnus, are you at your loft?” Jace sounds worried, which causes the knot in his chest to tighten. 

“No, I had a meeting. Why? Is something wrong?”

“How fast can you get there? No, wait,” Jace is gasping, almost like he’s been running. “Alec would be pissed if he knew I called you when you were busy. It’s okay. Okay,” He’s talking more to himself than to Magnus, it seems. “He’s in a meeting. Angels, what-“

“Jace, fuck the meeting. What is going on?” 

“It’s Alec. I don’t- I don’t know where he went. I thought he’d go to the loft to you but if you’re not there-“

“Jace, stop for a minute,” Magnus says sharply, then softening his voice, “take a breath and tell me what’s happening.”

He hears Jace follow his instructions, sucking in the air greedily. “Maryse and Robert came to the institute today. They- Angels, Magnus. The things they said. They pointed at everything and said it was wrong. That everything Alec has done is wrong. And that he’s not good enough because he’s flawed. Because he’s gay, because he loves a Downworlder. That Max would have hated him- what he’s become. Magnus, they told him they wished it was him.”

Magnus feels everything inside him freeze. “That what was him?” 

“That he would have died instead of Max. That it was his fault anyway. Magnus, Alec snapped. He stood there silent until they left and then fucking broke,” Jace sounds strangled, like he can’t go on, but he does. “He couldn’t breathe, he was sobbing- Magnus he almost passed out. I finally was able to get him to breathe but then he shut off. His eyes went blank and he left. He left and I didn’t go after him because I thought it was better but now I can’t find him and-“

Magnus cuts off Jace’s panicked ramblings. “Jace, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. I’ll make a portal and go home and see if he’s there. If not, I’ll find him.”

“Okay. Okay,” Jace says, letting out a breath. “Thank you, Magnus.”

“There’s no need for thanks. I’ll keep you updated.” After a hasty goodbye, Magnus quickly snaps a portal and steps through into his loft, halting as he takes in the sight of the room in front of him. A shattered lamp, Alec’s bow thrown across the floor, his arrows on the other side of the room, his jacket on the floor. Magnus takes a deep breath, sending a quick text to Jace to let him know he found him, and walks to the bedroom. 

He finds Alec in the bedroom, his chest heaving, looking like he’s been fighting for every breath he’s taken since leaving the institute. His hair is going in every direction, his hands are shaking, and his face is red and chapped from the tears that continue to fall. The younger catches sight of the elder in the doorway, and the relief in his eyes wrecks Magnus. Alec nearly runs into Magnus’s waiting arms and falls apart. Messy, ugly sobs shake the younger boy so hard that Magnus has to sink to the floor to prevent losing his balance. Alec doesn’t notice, too focused on gripping Magnus like he’s his only hope. 

“Why am I here, Magnus? Why the fuck am I here?” The shadow Hunter gasps out. 

“Alec-“ 

“No. It should have been me. Everyone is thinking it- at least someone finally said it. It should have been me. And yet here I fucking am,” he’s gripping Magnus at arms length now, almost doubled over from the way the sobs echo through him.

“Alec, Alec stop!” Magnus tries to bend to his level, begging him to look at him. “It shouldn’t have been either of you! Do you here me? He didn’t deserve it, but neither do you!”

“It should have been me. He was nine, Magnus! And I could already see it. He was going to be spectacular. Ten times better than anyone I knew! More than that. It’s should have been me, it should have been me, it should have been me...” he keeps saying these words. Over and over and over again. 

“Alec- Alexander, stop. It’s going to be okay. I need you to breathe for me,” Magnus tells him, but stops as Alec shoves him away, eyes looking frantic. 

“Magnus, I need to go. I need to leave here. Please, Mags, I need out. I need to go, I need to go, I need to go-“

Magnus sees the growing panic threatening to swallow the younger boy whole. He makes a split second decision and snaps his fingers and suddenly there’s two packed suitcases on the bed. “Okay. Okay, love. Come on. Let’s go then.”

The relief in Alec’s eyes when he sees the portal rattles Magnus to the core. His Alexander, his love, needing nothing more than to run away from the very people who raised him. Magnus has had his fair share of crappy parenting, but to his baby? Oh, hell no. 

“Hold my hand, love. I’ll get you out of here so you can breathe. It’s okay.”

He walks them through the portal, making sure to throw up a quick cloaking spell. Alec seems to realize that he’s outside after ten whole seconds of still repeating the same thing again and again. When he does notice, though, he sobs in relief. 

“Oh, angels,” He sobs out. He blindly searches for Magnus, finding him behind him. He reaches a hand to him and Magnus rushes to take his boy into his arms again, holding him tightly as his own tears fall into Alec’s hair. 

He stands there for so long, long enough that Alec’s tears have run out and he’s now just holding on to the warlock. Magnus doesn’t try to say anything, knowing that nothing is going to help tonight. Tonight Alec’s world is ending and it cannot be helped. Tonight it is only Alec’s grip on Magnus’s shirt that is keeping him upright. Tonight he is not going to feel better, so Magnus just holds him. 

Finally- finally- Alec pulls away, scrubbing at his face before looking at Magnus again. His eyes are bloodshot, his face a mix of white and red, his hands gripping his elbows as his entire body shivers. He is the most beautiful being Magnus has ever seen. “I love you,” Alec whispers quietly. 

Magnus leans until he can place a lingering kiss to his angel’s cheek. “Oh, my perfect Alexander. I love you more than you know,” he murmurs against the younger’s cheek. 

“Let’s go inside, okay? We can get you some tea and just be here. Does that sound good?” Magnus asks. 

Alec nods and takes Magnus’s hand and allows him to lead him to the front of the building they had been their sanctuary and into the warmth of the inside of a cafe. 

They quickly find a place at a booth where Alec can sit beside Magnus and still hold onto him if needed. Magnus orders them teas and they drink them in exhausted silence. Soon, Alec is slumped into Magnus, his eyelids growing heavy. 

“Magnus, I know I asked you to take me somewhere, but I really just want our bed. With you. Is... can you take us home?” Alec asks him. 

“Of course, my love. Have you even looked out the window? I bet you could guess where we are and see just how possible that wish is to grant.”

Alec sits up so he can see out the window and let’s out a near hysterical giggle. “Oh. Oh angels, I love you,” he says, still smiling. 

Magnus grins and looks across the street at their apartment building. “Shall we go home, my dearest?”

“Yes, please,” Alec says and there is a light in his eyes that Magnus hadn’t seen all evening that has him losing the breath he didn’t even realize he had been holding. 

They make their way across the street and up to the loft, Alec crawling into bed with Magnus closely behind him the instant they get there. They lay there quietly, Alec wrapped around Magnus’s body as he often is, and Magnus running his hand through Alec’s hair. 

“Thank you, Magnus. For everything,” Alec whispers. 

“There is no need to thank me, my love.” He places a kiss to Alec’s head, feeling as the younger goes limp with sleep. And if Magnus holds him tighter than usual all night, Alec only returns the favor.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos make my day!


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